spin master z

yo j-megs,

turns out i somehow missed this. HWHAAAT?
i like to think that my blog helps you burn calories too. i think my second favorite blog (after LongSoxFit of course) will help you burn even more calories. it's called Cats and Beer, and yes, feel free to judge by the title because it is THAT awesome.

and speaking of spin class... don't know if i told you, i now teach a spin class every week to kids with developmental disabilities. and i love it as much as recess and beer combined!! so at first i thought we were going to spin around in circles until we fall, but turns out, this is a REAL stationary bike spinning class at an actual gym! i pretty much say "go" and let them do whatever they want.  if they slack, i just tell them "if you stop spinning the power will go out in the building," and nobody wants that to happen.  these kids are really great, they love jamming out to 90s dance-off music, disney songs or michael jackson's "thriller" on repeat.

spin till you drop,
coach z

tree sperm everywhere

j-may,
while there are no cherry blossoms left in DC, there are a JIZZILION yellow tree sperm particles all over my car, my laptop, my chair, my cat, bees' butts, and basically the entire state of North Carolina. so if you really want plant genitals all over you, skip DC and come run a 10 miler here! just don't forget to wear protection.
you're welcome,
z

the ten condiments

jimbolaya,
i see things are getting pretty serious up at longsoxfitness.  well fear not, i am not taking this blog to another level, it will simply remain awesome.

that is why i have prepared these ten condiments of fitness bloggin:

1. always ketchup to the person in first place and then pass them.
2. mayo pecs always look verrry niiiice[borat voice]
3. if you can mustard up the strength, you will dominate.
4. i'd relish having you as my personal trainer.
5. if you have a problem, you call the A1 team, not the B team.
6. vinegar ... is just racist (like rick sanscrotum)
7. watch out, comin' siracha!
8. did you say you have a bad knee or chutney? chutup.
9. B-B-Q-T-4-eva
10. salt-n-pepa oooh baby baby...push it good! push it real good!

blessed be thee,
z

other lessons learned

jim may dear,
while you're focusing on blogging lessons learned, i have shifted my focus to the bracket lessons learned from my worst loser bracket ever... and i'd like to take this time to share those with you:

1. always pick the sexy school (slash coach)
take VCU for example with their adorable coach... i picked freakin wichita?! and colorado, the land of sexy sausage fests! (who put the "buff" in "buffalo"?!) if there is one thing we should take away from charlie sheen, it's that sexy = winning!


 
warning: this rule does not apply to the power of the uni-brow-er... kentucky is a beast
 
2. math can suck it
neither stats nor vector calculus will help you with brackets.  if henson runs down the court at 13 seconds and marshall passes him the ball at 10 seconds, will unc win the game?! doesn't matter if both are riding the bench.

3. listen to your dreams
nooo i'm not talking about my Shirts vs. Skins NCAA tourney dreams!  just pick the teams you want to win, anything is possible.

4. get lehigh...
...next time.

yours,
coach z

oh my gluteous maximus

dude,
just reading that made me feel dehydrated.
and i have the attention span of a baby, so i do 15 minutes of fitness every full moon (pun). after that i'm pooped (pun). and my cheeks are all red (pun).  i butt you didn't see this coming. assholo mio!!

i'm kinda with the lady in your treadmill picture, she knows how i feel about working out...
"wait, i thought you guys said tread-MEAL"
"the other day i watched that wii fit show on tv"
"who farted?!"

sometimes i wish we could just go back to looking fit by playing casual lacrosse and eating wendy's.
(hi, i'd like a frostie-tute.)

so did i ever tell you why i played lacrosse? well, it's because of this french story called...
"la lacrosse, c'est un sport francais!"

once upon les temps, in the land far away called la France, children were playing at recess. except for little Jamie.  nobody picked him for the battlefield hack-and-slash team because he was so petit.  therefore, he did not get any girls and no l'amour.  then he had une bonne idee!  instead of sitting there and sulking, Jamie decided he would catch butterflies and that's how he'll get les girls. so he tied a net to a stick and went off to catch some papillons!

he was quite bon at catching the butterflies, and all the girls immediately flocked to him.  the hack-and-slash jocks were furieux now, and they decide to confronter him.  as the entire team was rushing vite towards him, Jamie took his stick and gave them all un POING SUR LE NEZ!

and that is how lacrosse came to be un sport.
oh wait, i just wikipedia'd and it says it's a native american sport. PAS DE CHANCE!
z

fall forward vs. spring back

dear james (and other aspiring members of testosterone nation),

60 seconds in a minute.
60 minutes in an hour.
60 hours in....
NOTHING! wtf! and now, with the time change (or as some of us call it, time travel), i missed commenting on one of your posts!

but i see that you managed just fine to photoshop yourself to look like the incredible hulk.  so i decided to post a picture of myself looking badass in my excellently styled neon workout gear...

blast off!

by the way, that shirt has an extra inspirational message for you next time you try Tabata...

the correct answer is
 "i don't know."

well james, stay hydrated during basketball,
(and i do mean drink a brewskie while watching the ACC championship),
z

toight like a tiger

sir james,
first of all, the genius of pace booty in daily action...

whatchu gonna do with all that junk?!

(i'm gonna drive slow, don't mind me)

"look at me, i'm a rocket" yoga pose
(weirdos)

back that ass up
(straight up chillin' in the county)

tan my cheese

(it's not me, it's you)

this makes me crave a steak. or a steak sandwich. steak ice cream?! not so much.
it's time for lunch.
(btw, i always rhyme on purpose)
have a stupendous weekend galore,
z

p.s. you're a marathon runner... so you get this free song called "marathon runner!" urwelcome.
p.s.2. it's quite excellent if you like yellow ostriches.
p.s.3. bieber is now legal! :)