the simple joys of carb-loading

jimmy-john,

i am 3 posts behind again, must be the short sox curse or something. same reason you didn't get 1st place in the spartan race. long sox are key. so what's my excuse this time?!

well as you know, school started, so a few important public health things i had to deal with:

1. "freshman fifteen," am i safe from it as a non-freshman?

which one of these guys ate 15 freshmen?!

2. inner-tube-water-basketball = canceled :(
so the unc pool is closed because of "Asbestos" (who is this latino man? and why did he pee in it?), therefore partaking in this great activity will be unlikely.

3. should i start an unsolicited fitness advice column? (err "don't ask, do tell")
should you get in the cage with a tiger? should you eat babies? were you ever a baby? i got the answers to these and much more.

but let's face it, 1 of your 3 posts that i missed deserves a mckayla face. and it's not the serial killer one. that is my favorite true horror story. yea you guessed it, the gym review posts, they even make chris brown almost do a mckayla face.

source: freakin google duh

justdoit,
z

jimmy-gym

whoa blogging beast,

looks like you have a lot more time to blog now that you left your job (hopefully by submitting a 2-week-notice poem)! and i see you've been reviewing gyms, but there are a few things that bug me about gyms:

1. the equipment

gym owners assume people know what Gruntal Trek is and how to work the latest Hoakie 3000, so lotsa guessing involved...

made in sweden

2. the people 

i walk in ready to pump it up, the next thing you know guys are trying to compete at running-in-place and girls are all like "why are you eating a sandwich?!" 

3. the building, the parking lot, and eau de musk

so that's why i spend time outdoors training for my 0.5K Walk (to the bar), hoping that will motivate me to sign up for the Death Awareness Fun Run. 

(did you know people die every year in the United States alone?!     ....some of them from rabies.)

and like all great athletes of our time, we should get sponsors, that way people that work can pay for our playtime!

not endorsing: bacon lube.

z

p.s. flakers gonna flake. i bet they'd come play if you promised them a stripper. #brilliantdukelaxideas

this is sparta?!

Achilles Jimopolis,

so, you want to be america's next top spartan?

 mmmmm. 

abs-olutely fierce!

*le sigh* you know, men don't look like that in the 21st century...

i blame the vegetarians with their "pieces of meat have feelings too" nonsense! no they don't.

but hanyway, the spartan race looks like a funsplosion; however, signing up for this weekend?!
i am impressed, nay, inspired by your "i am more badass than Chuck Norris, Jason Statham, and Ahhnold combined" attitude toward fitness!

and let's be honest, this race is basically everything that we look for in a gym:

1. babes!

2. wipeout obstacle course:

3. mud
  
4. babes in mud:

keep that mud out of my yoo-hoo!

5. latest exercise equipment from Asia

gooo spartans,
z

don't russia while european

surf-cycling jimmothy,

first thing's first: your little facebook status bragging away about your 10,000 page hits, well, while i only have 415 hits, 67 of those are from Russia! yep, кириллица betch!   
(that's cyrillic for the word "cyrillic") 
and since i have such high viewership from Russia, i'd like to do a short photo feature on Russia's Olympic performance:


uh where can i get these sweet track suits?!

That reminds me... remember our "Stop Whining or We'll Give You Something To Whine About Club?!" Well, you're getting awful close to being voted out of it!  All I see in your little Plagues of Surfcycle Diary is whaa-whaa it's soo hot riding on a motorcycle with leather on in the 100 degree heat, oh no, my mocha frapuccino is melting, but then it rained and a strange man invited me to his home, and then something or someone got killed, but not spiders, and you were trapped in sand...

quicksand training = excellent full body workout and/or death

jimmay, when things get you down... ФУЦКИТ

beat the heat,
z


p.s. pinterest is for stay-at-home moms.  stay away.  from pinterest.  not moms.
p.s.2. the long sox on that chick are BANANAS AMAZING, I DIE!

specs on the pecs

j-homey,
while you were at the beach spectating the yoga hot-totties, i was there too checking out some buff beach bros (for tattoo ideas mainly of course), when all of a sudden, i was like "whoa, is that a male model?!"

or a mail model?!

"hey girl i was just calling to tell you that i'm mailing you a letter. 

no i love you more. nooooo i love you more. kbye"

for serious though, having been in the yoga instructor's position before (not as a yoga instructor, but this one time when jess and i were doing a hula dance workout and then realized her neighbor was watching us from his balcony), it does encourage you to be EXTRA fitness-y (oh that poor neighbor's virgin eyes!)


namaste no mo,
z

beach bitch!

why hello jimmay.

i am not a quitter. which is why after our Long Sox Inc. meeting at the beach this weekend (or as some call it "hot-bod sox-off"), i have decided to return to the wonderful world of blogosphere. let's say i was on vacay for three months! that's how i roll.

LongSox - fresh denna muh fuh

i do see i've missed out on quite a few comments to your blog and i'm also kinda sad because i missed the auditions for the new lax chick flick Crooked Arrows (i guess i should have been reading your blog), but i will get to that once i inspire some people by posting what i learned at the LongSox meeting this weekend:

1. Can I do a Frisbee challenge in 12 seconds?!
Nope! Despite peer pressure at its finest, a frisbee challenge (not sponsored by PBR) cannot be done in 12 seconds, but can be done in 30!  Just not by me.  I did however manage to win the Bronze medal, despite the last second throw-up-back-down incident (talkin' bout peaches 'n' beer, but we don't talk about that in the blog).

Here are the full standings:
1. CHAMPION OF THE SUN  -- "This is Hard" AWARD & BEST STRATEGY  -- TIME: 30:09
2. LONG SOX FIT J  -- BEST slash LONGEST BURP (and Best Tank Top)! -- TIME: 40:14
3. THE FOAM PRINCESS (me!)  --  BRAVEHEART AWARD   -- TIME: 01:05:00
4. THE DUDE   --  HONORABLE MAN MENTION  --  TIME: 01:09:00
5. KTAP  --  "A for Effort" AWARD  --  TIME: like 5 minutes or so, but she did it!!

alba gu braath!

2. Some say "dark colors" make you look fit. I say "SHORT SHORTS/LONG SOX/PARTY TANK" make you look fit... and AWESOME!

3. Surfing is probably a better workout than floating in an inner tube. 
My dreams of becoming a part-time River Rat model are not shattered, yet! And I have to thank you, j-meglio, for letting me borrow your rashie so I can surf without flashing all the beach bros.  At one point, I even stopped thinking about sharks and had the following revelation: "wow: working out works!" Just kidding, I pretended I was this guy! Uh Costa Rica Spring Break 2013 woot?!

twas good to reunite, until we meet again young sir,

respek,
z