no money no problems

yo j-money,
you getting all b-school on me is giving me like 100% zero motivation to blog about your blog.
i mean i guess fitness profits are important, but sometimes fitness is a gift.

simple DIY birthday gift

a few other great fitness gifts:
1. a high-five
2. "days i didn't go to the gym and had the best day ever" punch card
3. mouthguard
4. last but not least, LONG SOX ... that look like leg hair.
5. and the very last, at last... fitness books!

 

so does this mean i'm fat and dumb?

a few horrible fitness gifts:

1. a personal trainer -- "hi, i'm your personal trainer (in bed). we will now do some push ups (in bed). why are you staring at me (in bed). freak (in bed)"

2. a massage with a sad ending
3. lettuce

love yourself until you learn to love yourself,
me

QUITTING IS FOR QUITTERS!

soooo i'm back....  by popular demand.... of my cat.
but really because i have the BEST news for ALL (three) of my fans:
LONGSOXFIT is BACK!! yay!!



well hello jimmay,
i am glad you took my great advice and decided to continue the blog. now you can tell everyone how you got 1st slash 4th place in the Spartan race... oh wait, you already did, whatever. first bird gets the worm, but second mouse gets le fromage. i got 9403rd place in the Cooper River Bridge Run, so got a little competition here!

in your first post of the comeback, you ask "why" people like paying $50-100 to dress up like superheroes, jump through mud, get bruised and bloody, and come home smelling like a boys' dorm room?
i can sum this up for you in 3 words or less: White People Having Fun. #thanksHistoryChannel

i run for free food at the finish line,
z

p.s. would a Cheese Run be marketable?! i have all these ideas... 

letter to wichita st

quit playing games with my heart.
z
p.s. it's over. it's not me, it's you. 

DIY: sweatpant cut-off shorts!

it's fashion week somewhere, and famous designers are coming up with the latest trends quicker than Lady Gaga can say "bacon!"

2013: fashion backward is fashion forward

but when it comes to fitness fashion, celebrities who are just like us have moved on from Twilight-wolf-guy jorts to Chris Pine sweatpant-shorts!

here is how to make your own sweatpant-shorts:

Step 1: get some old sweatpants

Step 2: cut them to preferred length

Step 3: put sweatpant shorts on

Step 4: throw away scraps OR make a cute outfit for a goat!

meeehhhh bitches

                                     

(images from google gods)

don't suck (at sports)

fitness nation, 

the mating season has officially kicked off (on valentine's day duh), and as predicted by our chief meteorologist punxatawney phil, clothes will be flying off sooner than expected this year!!

omg look at that freshly cut grass!

yes it's time to get that body ready for exposure, so get outside and kick it like real athletes (slash models) because SPORTS ARE FOR EVERYONE!! 

1. Boys like .... ALL SPORTS... (and are totally lying!)

2. Girls like ... SPORTS (THAT ARE NOT SPORTS)

3. Feminists like.... BADMINTON (really, they just like hitting (shuttle) cocks)

4. Gay dudes like .... ANYTHING WITH BALLS (yea representin' LGBLT!)

5. Politicians like... FOOTBALL (they're sooo Amurrcan but also sooo foreign-relation-y)

6. Michael Jackson fans like.... SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING 

thriller

7. Tweens like...  TAYLOR SWIFT (#thingsiwillneverunderstandandhashtagstoo)

choosing the right sport will obviously make you less likely to suck at it. so this spring, buy some sweet long sox, join a sports team, and meet fun new people!! (personally, i prefer adding strangers on Facebook and sending them a "I know you're Batman, your secret is safe with me" message ... yea guess who's got 500+ superhero friends?!)

put the 'meat' in 'team'

z

(all google images)

Long Sox Fit ME is better than Long Sox Fitness

as a young, young girl, about a year ago, i started a blog commenting on my friend's fitness blog. 

today, i emerge a blogging butterfly with a fitness blog of my own!

some question whether i have the skills to inspire the testosterone nation the way my pal Jimmay did with his Long Sox Fitness blog... some question if there is such a thing as too much electrolytes... 

the answer is ALWAYS "yes!"

let's face it, fitness-fiends, you come to blogs when you're super bored, with nothing to do and nowhere to go, on a rainy Monday afternoon, when work sucks, and all you want to do is complain about it on Facebook, but you already did that first thing in the morning, so here you are... 

WELCOME! 

I LOVE YOU! 

YOU ARE SPECIAL!

now that you feel your self-esteem is at an all time high (thanks to this blog), you will return for more next time!

but for now, here is a cliche motivational poster inspired by GoPro commercials:

glad tidings of awesomeness, 

z

does this fat make me look fat?!

omg jimBold,

donde esta your blog posts?!
people are getting fat out there, and you have a motherly obligation to encourage and inspire the testosterone nation as our personal trainer of life! and no excuses (ie. your period), as i will now give you some post ideas to DEMOLISH that fitness brain fart:

Idea #Uno - throw a flash workout! 
you know how that flash mob is so hot right now? i think you can do anything really. flash workout. flash dance. flash strip. flash flash. flash orgy. so many unexplored options.
Idea #Dos - wear a sports bra for a day!
you have to appeal to your female readers, and what better way than to talk about boobs?! surely, the males will not object (include pics, they are visual creatures).

Idea #Tres - answer reader questions!
how do sumo wrestlers stay fit? do plants work out? how many buff bros does it take to screw (-in a light bulb)?
Idea #Quatro - just use lotsa fitness-y words like EXPLOSIVE POWER and PUMP and BLAST and DEMOLISH and UNLEASH...
...except when you're talking about the laxative diet.

and as discussed, i would be honored to do a guest post on your blog, maybe even a vlog. you never know.
tight end,
z